Drought Stricken Democrats

I know that you know that we have no water, ergo drought.  The news people show the poor farmers in their fields just barely able to contain themselves because a season has come and gone and the only thing on the family farm are corn stalks.

Unfortunately, these are not edible, marketable, and since many of them are republicans the first thing that pops into their unprepared brains is bankruptcy.  They look at their kids, their wives and say ....."dont worry our messiah is here, he may not be a christian, he may have multiple wives, but he is a scheming bastard".  He steals from the poor and gives to the rich.

It is election season after-all and last seasons political enemies are now ripe for the picking.  The democrats are concerned because the price of corn is going up and the consumption of corn syrup is going up.  No one wants to see or hear a fat democrat talking about how they are going to give us small government and prosperity.  I mean when is the last time you saw a short, fat, ugly, ball, man running for president.  For Congress, these guys know how to stay in the public eye, hell just last week, I got some junk mail and it was a senator, naked.

But as a democrat it falls on me to come up with the answers or perish.   So how do we win the republican farmers and make them democrats.  By looking out for them.  By showing them that democratic brain power is up to the task, that the drought is no match for American Imagination and creativity.

About fifteen years ago I went into a patients room and there in the shadows, in bed was an old scientist.  To my dismay he was politically inert.  But thats because he was bigger than the issues.  He was a chemist.  In my opinion he was the chemist of the times and farmers today should all have a little bust of him to pray to.   I always default to prayer because it is an impossible task to get people to read and study.  To get into the sciences and to deliver to humanity a floater.  Yes they are sinking and drowning, in their lack of faith, not in god, hell their is plenty of that, but in themselves.

Anyway this man in all his wisdom invented a way of processing seeds so they would have all the water they needed to grow and feed us.  He explained to me how he coated the seeds with these chemicals, how the plants at the atomic level are capable of xtracting the water from the cocktail and grow up to be corn.  He should have his own monument, right here in El Paso, right here in the desert, where drought is not a curse but a blessing, because  El Paso is the place where nature and man copulate and conceive, to feed the helpless,the homeless and poor democrats.  

Now this process is sitting in the patent office.  He tried to get the sharks to invest in the deal, but they could not see the money for the corn.  The beauty of this is that now it belongs to us.  Soldiers, FBI agents, should immediately be posted  around the property of the people, around our nutritional salvation.

But we are going to need some help, because now that our lives depend on this process we want the best chemist to make sure things are tweaked for optimal results.
Ladies and gentlemen, democrats and republicans, and all the rest of you whiners,  I present to you Yvonne Villegas Aguillera.  She already works for you.

Bonnie as we call her, is a graduate of the Jefferson Silva Magnet, a graduate of Our Lady of the Lake and the Chemist who invented the solid fuel formula that lifted our last xperiment to Mars.  I say we draft her, I say we get her on point, just move her from NASA to drought stricken Wisconsin and put her in charge of putting those republican farmers back on their feet.

So President Obama, to the task at hand, use the farm subsidies for the research, no corporate welfare.  And while we are at it, insist that the DNA of these plants, read, made in the USA.  

And just to give you a heads up on the scope of this, lets review some history.  Years ago we needed a railroad.  But instead of outsourcing construction of our infrastructure it was customary to bring a whole bunch of asians, to do the heavy lifting.  When the tracks from the west, met the tracks from the east, here in El Paso.  They were all given pink slips.  They moved to California and bought land there, swamps that no one wanted and so they got it cheap.  Within 10 years they took over the rice industry.  Since they had been spiced with American Know How, they progressed into laser technology.

The laser was put in the center of the field and the other on the tractor plane to level the land.  This is essential because rice grows in water and it must be at a precise depth, so the other laser goes on the irrigation door.  This is the reason why in America we grow 100 times as much rich per acre than lets say other places where they grow lots less.  Now imagine President Obama and fellow democrats, if we coat our rice with the magic water formula, we will essentially be able to grow rich without wet water, just solid water.

We can get rid of those pesky aqua-ducts.  Hey Mr. President did I tell you that I scored a 2042 on my NCLEX, this means I can forget 25% of my nursing education and still give excellent nursing care.

To the task at hand, Mr Precedent, four more years.  Oh and the VA refuses to recognize my wife.  Could you put in a call for me, please, pretty please.  She needs the money.