There seems to be much concern over hackers. Apparently, they can hack their way into social security and steal our money, our identity. They can hack into the banks and steal our credit card numbers .... OMG! As bad as this seems they have super hackers that can hack into the defense department, steal our secrets, and make us vulnerable to attack from little countries ..... like Iran. Can you just see those minuets around DC and the guy on the loudspeakers calling us out to pray? Can you see Ramadan as a holiday? There is just no way Americans are going to fast! I just can see fatso governor Christi, loosing weight.
How about our Sports Illustrated,,,, imagine our models with Burkas? This is war!
What most people dont realize is that our cryptography is hacker proof. We actually keep our biggest secrets on our alphabet soup. Thats right. We have managed to encrypt our alphabet soup and the message is released when you bring it to a boil. The nano-magnetic, time released message, will transfer to a CD ready to be read.
There are actually fake messages in some of the soups to throw the hackers off. Anyway, this is how we transmit our most secret of messages. In our LRP rations.
Other countries like China have tried to do this and failed. Apparently, Chinese alphabet soup is very complicated. All those hieroglyphics make it almost impossible to get a message through. In fact we are in possession of some of those secret messages and during the SuperBowl, our computers crashed because the code could not be broken. The computer operators where busy with the game, betting on those 9ers. Turns out is wasnt Beyonce.
There have been times when the cooks ate the message by accident. But this is not a problem, just bring it to a boil and the message is recoverable. In fact if you touch two spoons together, the message will transfer.
I love hackers, computers and secret messages ..... our cryptography was made famous by Edgar Allen Poe. Back in the 1800s he would dare readers to send in encrypted messages and he would crack them. His knowledge of cryptography even helped us win one of our wars. Thank god for EAP and alphabet soup.
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